JUST TONIGHT

Κάποτε κάποιος μου είπε πως είμαστε φιγούρες του παρελθόντος...

Κάποτε κάποιος άλλος μου είπε πως το παρελθόν είναι παρελθόν και πως θα πρέπει να κοιτάμε το μέλλον...διότι είναι το μόνο που μπορούμε να αλλάξουμε.

Κάποτε είχα πει πως το παρελθόν είναι αυτό που διαμορφώνει την προσωπικότητα μας...αυτό που καθορίζει τη στάση μας απέναντι σε ορισμένα θέματα...τη συμπεριφορά μας και τη νοοτροπία μας....πως δηλαδή το παρελθόν είναι εκείνο που θα καθορίσει το μέλλον..

.Ζούμε και βιώνουμε καταστάσεις που ανήκουν πλέον στο παρελθόν...Ευελπιστούμε για άλλες οι οποίες ανήκουν στο μέλλον..που βρίσκεται όμως το παρoν? Ποτέ δεν κατάλαβα την αξία του! Πάντα ήμουν προσκολλημένος στο παρελθόν και το μέλλον. Τα θεωρούσα τα πιο σημαντικά..το παρελθόν γιατί μας διαμορφώνει και το μέλλον διότι αποτελεί το εναρκτήριο λάκτισμα μας, την κινητήριο δύναμη, το κίνητρο που χρειαζόμαστε για να συνεχίσουμε να ζούμε..Το παρόν το θεωρούσα δεδομένο..είναι όμως? Η όλο αυτό ήταν μια ψευδαίσθηση? Είναι απτό...αλλά παροδικό..μεταβάλλεται εξαιρετικά γρήγορα. Ακόμη και αυτό που γράφω αυτή τη στιγμή μετά από ένα δευτερόλεπτο θα έχει γίνει παρελθόν...είναι εκείνο που καθορίζει αν μια κατάσταση θα ανήκει στο παρελθόν η το μέλλον. Διότι όταν συμβεί αυτό που προγραμματίζαμε για το μέλλον μας τότε θα ανήκει και αυτό με τη σειρά του στις εμπειρίες και τα βιώματα του παρελθόντος. Νοσταλγώ πολλά πράγματα από το παρελθόν. Μακάρι....μακάρι να μπορούσα να διορθώσω η να ξαναζήσω αρκετά πράγματα. Αδύνατο! Ευελπιστώ ,επομένως, να μου συμβούν παρόμοιες καταστάσεις στο μέλλον. Απλά περιμένω..κοιτάζω μπροστά..γνωρίζω το πίσω..και στέκομαι στο τώρα.

Εκτός από το μακάρι όμως υπάρχει και άλλη μια λέξη που στοιχιώνει της σκέψεις μου.."φοβάμαι". Και συγκεκριμένα το παρόν. Φαντάζει στο μυαλό μου σαν σταυροδρόμι δύο προορισμών. Ενός που έχω ξαναπάει αλλά δεν θέλω να φύγω από εκεί, και εκείνου που θέλω να πάω αλλά φοβάμαι να αντικρίσω μήπως και δεν μαρεσει. Το σκέφτηκα όμως...ή τουλάχιστον προσπάθησα να αποκωδικοποιήσω όλα αυτά τα νοήματα. Το παρόν είναι φευγαλαίο..γι'αυτό και αποφάσισα να το ζήσω όσο καλύτερα μπορώ...να ζω την κάθε στιγμή ώστε να μην ανυπομονώ στο μέλλον για δεύτερες ευκαιρίες. Πάντα θα τις χρειάζομαι...διότι την μηδαμινή εκείνη χρονική στιγμή που ισορροπώ πάνω στη γραμμή του παρόντος μου δεν θα έχω πολύ απλά τον απαιτούμενο χρόνο να σκεφτώ. Κάποτε ,λοιπόν, κάποιο άτομο μου είπε πως είμαστε φιγούρες του παρελθόντος μας...και εγώ τώρα προσθέτω πως αυτές οι φιγούρες καθορίζονται από το παρόν μας. Γι'αυτό πλέον "ζω το σήμερα γιατί είναι το αύριο που περίμενα χθες"......

Just Tonight - The Pretty Reckless

...

WHEN IT ENDS

Back again after a long time dear bloggers! :)

Simply ending...such a strong feeling! Everytime it happens, everytime something is going to end....either this is a food....either this is something different! Especially at those times you can't do it again...!! Those feelings that last only once! Like school...once in a lifetime!! Simple things and experiences. You start from the zero level...as far as the time goes you keep on walking alone...then you meet other people called friends! Some of them will be a right decision and some of them not. However, you make some choices...important or not, and when the time has gone you find yourself standing confused on what you are....are you fulfilled or not?!? If the answer is - YES- then you realise that you made some huge mistakes! And you have experienced some of the biggest feelings...anger, happiness, love, sadness, madness, and many many more. You are just growning...stare at the world...leaving the life...the feeling of being a human...with its mistakes and goals! Dying slowly of happiness! Got drunk on experiences...falling slowly on life's meaning! And then the "graduation" of this journey. You start strong and happy...then..you end up with questions. Question on "Why am i not smiling that much?". But what about answers? And then you realise you are actually stronger...because you had survive of all these...i might exaggerate it but that's what i feel, my opinion. I just bear on mind those simple daily things...! And of course this "trip" lasts forever...i am just talking about the first part...growning up and realising things! Praying for time...more time..and then more and more and again from the beggining...knowing only that one thing you don't want to know....when it ends.....

-------

:)

BROKEN STRINGS

Ήσυχο βράδυ Σαββάτου, με το ανοιχτό βιβλίο, τα σκόρπια χαρτιά - στο μέσα δωμάτιο τα παιδιά γελάνε. Αυτό το γέλιο ξαφνικά με αναστατώνει...πλούσιο πηγαίo ξέγνοιαστο. Σα σπάνιο ρόδο. Αν τη γράψω κάπου πχ σε ένα ημερολόγιο αυτή τη στιγμή να τη θυμάμαι - όχι δεν θέλω να τη γράψω. Κάποια μέρα ξαναδιαβάζοντας θα λυπηθώ, γιατί ο καιρός περνάει και τα παιδιά η αλλιώς οι φίλοι μου δεν θα είναι τότε παιδιά - όχι δεν θέλω να γράψω τίποτα πουθενά. Σκέφτομαι και τρομάζω με αυτά που σκέφτομαι και λέω πως είναι η μοναξιά που με κάνει να τα βλέπω όλα με αυτή τη σκληρή μάτια, όλα υπονομευμένα με φθορά..όλα πατιναρισμένα με θάνατο, είναι, λέω, η μοναξιά που καταλύει σιγά σιγά της καλές μου δυνάμεις, αυτή η δύναμη που δίχως να θέλω με σκέπασε σαν σφικτός κισσός, αμέσως μόλις συνειδητοποίησα την ύπαρξη μου!! Ο σκοτεινός μου έρωτας, η άσπρη στέπα που μέσα της χάνομαι, η άλλη όψη της μοίρας μου. Υπάρχουν πολλών ειδών μοναξιές: η μοναξιά του χρυσόψαρου στη γυάλα είναι η φοβισμένη μοναξιά. Του πουλιού στο κλουβί είναι η βασανισμένη μοναξιά. Του φoνία μέσα στο μυστικό του είναι η επικίνδυνη μοναξιά. Του αρρώστου πάνω στο χειρουργικό τραπέζι η εναγώνια μοναξιά. του ενός μέσα στο πλήθος το αδιάφορο η απελπισμένη μοναξιά. Του ποιητή μέσα στα όνειρα του η γόνιμη μοναξιά. Μα η μοναξιά του ανθρώπου μπροστά στο αίνιγμα της ύπαρξης του είναι η κορυφαία, η πιο τραγική και αγιάτρευτη μοναξιά... Από τη στιγμή που αποκόπηκε ο λώρος που τον έδενε με τη μητέρα του πετάχτηκε έξω από την αμνιακή του ευδαιμονία ο άνθρωπος, στον ορθάνοιχτο ξένο κόσμο μοναχός ζει και επιβιώνει ανάμεσα σε πλήθος άλλους μόνους, και πάσχει και πεθαίνει μόνος, παρ'όλα τα φώτα και τους φίλους και τους συγγενείς, δίχως να υπάρχει αγάπη, πλούτος, δόξα ικανή να εξαγοράσει αυτή τη μοίρα. Κι εκείνοι που ποτέ τους δεν προβληματίζονται, έρχεται κάποια στιγμή που μένουν άναυδοι μόλις το πικρό ρίγος τους αγγίξει, αθέλητα, γιατί για όλους έρχεται κάποτε η στιγμή αυτή, όσο και αν την αποφεύγουν. Μονάχα τα παιδιά την αγνοούν μη έχοντας ακόμα δοκιμάσει το μήλο που εξαιτίας του χάσαμε τον Παράδεισο - το μήλο ήταν η γνώση, κι η γνώση η αλήθεια, η αλήθεια ελευθερία κι η ελευθερία μοναξιά... Αν μπορούσα να τη ζωγραφίσω θα ζωγράφιζα απλά δύο μεγάλα μαγνητικά μάτια που σου κατακυριεύουν την όραση. Είναι αναγκαία η μοναξιά, λέει ο Ρίλκε - κάποτε πρέπει να αποσύρεται κανείς στον εαυτό του μακριά από τους αλαλαγμούς του πλήθους. Αυτή είναι η εσωτερική μοναξιά, η πιο αληθινή, η πιο μαρτυρική, που δεν γιατρεύεται και δεν παρηγοριέται με τίποτα. Όμως και η πιο σωτηρία και κερδοφόρα!! Μέσα της βρίσκω τον βαθύ εαυτό μου, τον συλλαμβάνω, τον γνωρίζω, τον ελέγχω, τον παρατηρώ, νιώθω σαν το δέντρο που σκύβει και βλέπει της ρίζες του. Το κέρδος μου πάντα ήτανε που μου άνοιγε τα σκοτεινά, τα αλλόκοτα και τα δαιδαλώδη, ενώ απάνω μου φυσούσε ο άνεμoς των άλλων κόσμων. Κάθε φορά με γκρεμίζει για να με ξαναχτίσει από την αρχή, με θεμέλια βαθύτερα! Χωρίς αυτή τi θα ήμουν - ένα πάνω - κάτω, μια σκέτη αναπνοή, ένας εαυτός χωρίς αντίκρισμα. Μέσα της σαν σε αγγαλιά ξαναβρίσκομαι μαζεύοντας τα σκόρπια κομμάτια μου που η ορμή της ζωής σφεντόνισε στους πέντε ανέμους - γίνομαι πάλι ολόκληρος να μπορώ να υπάρχω! H μοναξιά είναι στάση ψυχής και προφητεία και επανάσταση, ανησυχία και δαπάνη ζωής, πυρακτωμένη αγωνία του όντος, πικροτατη σοφία και καημός αβάσταχτος. H οικογένεια, η κοινωνία, ο έρωτας και η ΦΙΛΊΑ προσπαθούν να απαλύνουν το άλγος της γνωριμίας της. Μόλις όμως τη συνειδητοποιήσει κανείς, μένει απαρηγόρητος σε όλη του τη ζωή. Είναι ο γύπας που τρώει τα σωθικά μας, ο φοβερός καθρέφτης, το κενό κέλυφος κάτω από τα δάχτυλα της δίψας μας. Αγοήτευτη, αμάραντη, μακρόσυρτη τυραννία, απάνθρωπη φίλη, σκοτεινή γοητεία, το άλλο εγώ μου, ο πλούτος και η πληγή μας η μυστική, η κοινή μας μοίρα, η πολύτιμη συντρόφισα και λίθος μέγας, χαρά σε εκείνον που σαν άλλος άγγελος τετραφτερουγος τον αποκυλα και βγαίνει έξω αναστημένος. Όλα τα θαυμαστά γίνονται μες στη μοναξιά...το μπουμπούκι, το κουκούλι, το έργο το πνευματικό...Μοναξιά δε σημαίνει μόνο απόσυρση από τα εγκόσμια, απομόνωση και περισυλλογή, ούτε φυγή, άρνηση, απραξία που συνδέονται από έπαρση και χαλαρότητα και αθυμία. Σημαίνει "καμίνευμα" σε υψηλές πνευματικές, μεταφυσικές θερμοκρασίες, σημαίνει μόχθο και πείσμα, κουράγιο και αφοσίωση στο κακοτράχαλο βουνό του αινίγματος....

Kαληνύχτα αγαπητοί bloggers!!

[τροποποιημένο κείμενο, Λένα Παππά]

Broken Strings - James Morrison ft. Nelly Furtado
[one of my favorite songs]

:)

I HATE THIS PART²

Hey everyone :)

I know only 2 days since my last post but i really wanted to post something new!! Today was my birthday so i thank everyone of you for your wishes!! :) The idea of this post was actually came of some pictures i was looking on photobucket! I was searching for "autumn" pictures and in every pic i was watching i was thinking of how wonderfull serenity can be! Im not going to say a lot of things: i just wanted to feel with somebody right now and blog gives me that feeling...everytime i write i feel like i am connected with some friends :) Two days ago I was speaking for my paradise circus...where everything is out of ordinary...where i never know what to do or what to feel! This is a quite common post [and some of you might say why are you writting those things twice?] And my answer is that everytime i feel the need of being connected with someone...I decide to post something...whatever i feel at this time! Specifically today, i want to talk about the part where you are just forgoten! So tough..! and the whole scene is as follows: we must choose the path that we want, at a crossroad that separates it from simply choosing to do, depending on what you want and another way related to what the other want you to follow!

The third path is your choice to just move on straight and let the facts lead you to where you want ignorant about the future! And here there is another path, one that makes you uninvolved in all this is happening to you ... that you create the illusion that what you choose is one that will offer you the happiness of the person you have the greatest need ... that will make you fulfill all the wishes of another, and finally you will live in the illusion that this is true for the other to you! And when you realise what is happening and seek the simplest thing in the world...little attention...he considers it absurd ... and then what? You are just forgoten! Personally, i dont know what to do but the sure is that im not going to let things on their own!! This is the part i dont wan't to think of...the piece that I come face to face with myself! I hate this part right here...

I Hate This Part - Pussycad Dolls

[i love the video clip]

END :)

MY PARADISE CIRCUS¹

HELLO DEAR BLOGGERS!!!

Omg - it's been a long time since my last post!! And the reason is because im studying a lot [as you see im in the third grade of high school!] and unfortunately i have no time for blogging :( Anyway...October is finally here - and in two days is my birthday! - and autumn is here too!! There are soo many things that make me smile every time i think of autumn! :) It is the weather, the friends in school, the trees...it's everything!!! And that's why i decided to post this today! I just wanted to express the way i like autumn and moreover, the way i feel like, this last month. And starting from autumn, here are a few things i love doing or seeing in autumn!

- I love the way the trees are. Those brown colours always make me feel like home and feel warm :)

- THE RAIN!! Ohh I love dancing in the rain!!! Generally i love rain...smeel it, feel it everything! The best part of autumn and winter!

- I like the fact that some of my favorite tv-series get started [like Gossip Girl/Greys Anatomy/Glee e.t.c]

- I like the feeling of stayng at home and watching the weather from your window!

- My birthday!

- The walk i have in front of the sea every Sunday evening!

- Swimming while raining [or the weather is almost ready to rain]

- And the fact that in autumn you can combine swimming and sun with rain and warm clothes!

I had so much more i could say for autumn and so so so many more i want to write in the future on a post for the things i really love doing!

*PS: I also got something more: Another reason i love autumn is because autumn reminds me of my feelings every season. like autumn has sunshine and warm so I'm several times pleasant and likable and I feel myself perfectly with some people always I need and want to see. By contrast, the autumn weather is changing several times and it becomes cold, melancholic and quiet! so if you do not get the proper love and attention from people I need to be with, I convert into my own "autumn"! - As you can see my post is a little bit confusing this time and that's because I'm confused this time by all those things happening arround me! Lovegames, "stadygames", friendship, family, love [this is so confusing: am I in a crush or not :s?], then im important - and then not again....im happy and then not...im confused and then im more confused of what is going on this time - the first time i can't control some things becauses of the studying! And don't worry if you didn't understand anything of today's post! It's my fault because i had so much to writte this whole time and so much to say...so many things to express that i couldn't get them into a raw!!

Live - Lie - Play - Love - Heaven - Hurt - Pain - Forgiveness - Extinction - Hoping - Trying -Winning!

This is actually my paradise circus!!! :)

What Goes Arroung Comes Arround - Justin Timberlake

[one of my favorite songs ever for its melody and its memories i get everytime i hear it!]

Massive Attack - Paradise Circus
[perfect song]

Have A Nice Autumn Guys!

:)

GRAVITY

Hallo dear bloggers!! :)

Its been a long time since my last post...and im really sad about that because it is not my fault - as you know i have already started my summer lessons! So im studying the whole day! But that's fine! I have already used to it. My secret is that everyday i say in myself "it is just one year and then i can relax"! But for some strange reason i like that journey! The experience of being a child and then a teenager, and now it will be gone in one year :) I don't think i am the only one having a journey that doesn't want to end! And todaythat's what i want to start from! Because we all have some experiences...! The sad part is that some of them are not good for us. We all have been addicted to something that is not good for us...it can be a chocolate, a movie, a song, even more a person. Especially, when it comes to a person it's the hardest thing you can ever feel! You always feel trapped in your own self...in your own emotions and feelings! Because we all know that the one we love most, always hurts us most! :\ It always comes a time that we have to choose whether to stay close to "our addiction", or to get away from him/her. And when that time comes we convince ourselves that we don't have a second option...we think that we can't get away from him! It's weird how we manage to pretend or better to delete from our minds the other options. Because we are afraid of losing something that makes us feel great even if it doesn't see us! We are hopping for a day that we will be the ones who have to relax..the ones who are not trying to prove anything to the other one, and just having the one we have been addicted to, by our side! We are searching clarity - peace - serenity!!! We see there is nothing that works out but we still stand there, waiting for this experience to end and go on with our lives! And by the time we are ready to move forward...like a ghost, like a magnet, like GRAVITY it keeps us to the ground, it holds us without touch, it keeps us without chains! He is on to us, and all over us, just like taking our breathe away...this person is our air!Is it love? No - im not sure actually. Whatever it is it is the strongest thing everyone can feel. Essentially, we sacrifice ourselves for this person! Love is the hardest and saddest feeling we can ever feel! You have to give your soul to get the attention and the love of the one you are intrested. When you do that, you feel acomplished! You fulfilling your dream...you actually feel someone or something special. The one you have given your life to, is returning it back to you. By the time your addiction becomes something real, and an interaction relationship, where both of you can "walk together to the same ground"...then it is the time you are free! The beggining of the ending of your journey...the longest and hardest one you had - life! Because life is full of journeys and experiences, with the most important the experience of love! When this one is done, then is the time you can rest. The time to find your clarity, your peace, your serenity! "The home you were searching your whole life to live in...the place where the stairs are leaning dusk until the dawn...where the windows are a breathing in the light...and the rooms are our lives collection..the place you don't feel alone and you can call home..where your gravity is not keeping you down...your serenity!"

That home - The Cinematic Orchestra!

[Danced by Lauren and Robert - So You Think You Can Dance Season 7 America]

Click it and watch it on Youtube - It worths it ;)

That home - The Cinematic Orchestra [The best melody i've heard!]

Gravity - Sara Bareilles![Danced by Kayla and Kupono - So You Think You Can Dance Season 5 America]

The best dance i've seen on my life! Breathetaking!
:)

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MORNING AFTER DARK

Hello everyone! :)

After that harsh week for me - i was sick in the middle of the summer, that's why!! :| -i am finally back to my precious pc writting my new post :) That's something i can say i really love. However, this was not my best week ever, not only because of the fever, but i also had the mishaps of the week. And they were so many - i can't even write them right now here....! [By the way it is the first time since my first post that i don't have any title yet for this one...haha i know strange!] Back again to our theme, i am not going to get focused on MY own problems and mishaps but mostly for everyone! Because we all have problems...unfortunatelly! For so many and different reasons...some problems are serious and some other aren't! But the thing is that those problems always have an affect on us. They makes us feel depressed, upset, sad, feel grief , and sometimes feel like we are on our own! But the most important thing is that we never have to feel weak. We have to defence ourselves by solve them, avoiding them, and get them over. I'm of the opinion that this is the most difficult part in here...we don't know whether we have a success on them and beat them all. The true success is when you have never been "injured" inside yourself! I see people solving problems every day but they get tired of doing it...they are just tired of having problems and trying to figure out how to fix them. It is true, that's something really hard to do! Others reach the edge and do crazy things to calm down! Things i don't want to discuss right now :) But the sure is they try to harm themselves in order to feel better after that and their internal pain to become sensual ! To overcome the problems you have, being strong don't have the same meaning on its practical way but this is all about inner strength! How strong and spared will you be when all these come to an end... There is always a night full of darkness waiting for its morning to come and bring the light - THE MORNING AFTER DARK , where you feel accomplished and proud of yourself, full of happiness and ready for anything else to come! We just have to find our torch, avoiding all the other objects, to reach our morning after dark... ;)

Morning After Dark - Timbaland ft Soshy and Nelly Furtado!
[Something from the morning i was describing before :p]

* "Yes im the one and only but not the only one ;)"
Good Morning After Dark Dudes...
:)

SLEEPLESS!

First day in my brand new blog! :)

Its almost 03:00 in the morning and once again im not sleeping! I don't know what's going on with me!! For the last 2 weeks my biggest problem is that i can't sleep before 06:00 and never wake up before 13:00!! I feel like a vampire!! Rofl :p Never mind...so i had a problem today about writting that kind of post...i couldn't decide the headline for this one! At first i really thought the name "PILOT" would be great because this is my first day here, and having been influenced by the American TV series, where the first episodes are called pilots, i wanted to give to my post the same name! And then i really thought of the "SLEEPLESS" one which describes me the most! Whatever - 03:15 now in the morning and the only thing comes across my mind are the titles for the next posts. I really have to confess that having a blog is a REAL ADDICTION!!! To go further "my problem" is not the only reason i made my decision to name this kind of article "SLEEPLESS"...it refers to all of us. Everyone is staying sleepless for some reason. Some may have something to discuss with their friends, some others may be hungry/sick/or just speaking on phone with someone else...but there is always a reason right? And that is my point - we cry, we laugh, we are excited, even more we are staying sleepless - but always for some reason! Our parents always say that being sleepless is not good for our health...and it is true!! They also say that sleep makes us feel stronger and makes our mind go "sharper". Thats true [√] too. Then they say that if you don't sleep then you will be tired, and this will have as a result to lose our day! Most of them - and not everyone - say that being sleepless all day and night is worthless and stupid at sometimes! What i have to say is that they might are right because nobody can't deny that they have a point. And life is short...and priceless! And the theme here is that..being sleepless is it so bad as being asleep in some of the most incredible moments of your life..? ;)

Just to take a look on how i look ;p

Sleepless - Until June!

04:35 - That's all i had to say tonight! Goodnight - or should i say Goodmorning?
:)